Fellas, Make a Move


I have a lot of single Christian lady friends who would like to be married, yet are growing older "with no prospects" (as Pride and Prejudice puts it). Out of all of the things I feel passionate about, this definitely ranks with the best of them. I understand the plight, because I was there for a while myself. It is discouraging to look around and not see any way towards marriage and family, the goal most women strive for. It is hard to not see any potential suitors, but, even more so, it is agonizing to see someone that would be a good husband, only to find that he doesn't ever take initiative to see if a relationship should be started. Many of these men are stagnant in the name of trusting God's sovereignty, thereby never making a move. As a lady, these men are as good as not even existing in the relationship department, because they aren't willing to do anything about the desire they might feel towards a certain lady. If many single women were honest, they'd much rather deal with too many men initiating than none at all. It's a compliment to be pursued and wanted, regardless of if the match actually ends up working out, so men shouldn't feel so nervous to attempt it. It doesn't mean marriage from the get-go.

Why are there so many single godly women, but seemingly not so many single godly men available? For every 5 women I know that would like to be married, I can think of about one man that is available and willing. There are many theories on this. Aaron tells me it is easy for men to remain single for quite some time, because they can pursue projects, adventures, etc. contentedly for years. They know family life will take over, so the idea of giving up staying up all night working on their own stuff is hard to part with. And, even though they are lonely as singles too, it takes work to pursue and keep a relationship going. Although it's not necessarily nicer to not be in love, singleness for guys is many times easier. And, let's face it, women are complicated, make men nervous, and are looking for a leader. Besides, as older single women get more established in their careers and life, they may not appear to even want to be pursued to start a family (even though the exact opposite is likely true). All of this adds up to a lot of nerve needed on the guy's part, and so many men are tempted to not even go there, and either perpetually casual date or avoid it altogether. And we don't even need to mention, after saying all of this, why porn has become such an issue with many single guys. They are attempting to run from a God-given desire for family, and so often find themselves in this rut.

I write this article just to encourage you, my reader, to help the single guys along that you know about in your life. Help them see that family is worth pursuing and getting uncomfortable over. I have become somewhat unabashedly honest with the single guys in my life since becoming married, letting them know that I think they should pursue someone or other. Having a family is set up by God to do so many things, but one of those is for the mutual encouragement of both the man and woman. It's better to walk together with a godly spouse, no matter how that might change the way you know life. Marriage changes life drastically, but in the best of ways. My heart is full to wake up next to Aaron, and I know his is to wake up next to me as well. It's an adventure, but someone has to initiate it. Fellas, it's time to make a move.

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