- Other Apps
After getting married, my husband and I began to look at singles around us and question why they were having such a hard time finding someone. It seemed so easy for us, and marriage was so wonderful! What were they waiting for?! I suppose it's a bit like childbirth, the woman totally forgetting the pain she just endured once she holds her newborn for the first time. Truth be told, we both had a pretty hard time finding each other, and there were many years of yearning to be married that led up to our "easy" meeting two weeks after signing up for an online dating program. For my part, there were tears of loneliness throughout the years, and desperate prayers for contentment, as well as for a marriage partner. So, when I recall these things, it gives me a better perspective of how "not easy" it is for singles to find the one they want to marry.
That leads me to remember a very determined mindset that I'm glad I had while single: if the guy wasn't great, then I would remain single. I was prepared to stay single, rather than settle for someone who wasn't what I wanted. That didn't mean that I had all these particulars, like "must have blue eyes and dark hair," that I wasn't willing to part with. It meant that if he wasn't a man that I thought was really "great" then he didn't even pass the cut for the next date. I knew I was vulnerable to falling for just anyone for the sake of romance, so I didn't even go there if I didn't feel like he was pretty great from the start. I'm not going to go all legalistic and put a limit on the number of dates that I think you should have with someone before giving them the boot, but I would suggest that you resolve in your heart now, even before the dates begin, that you aren't willing to settle for someone that you don't think is great.
Also, "great" will mean different things to different people. I thought for sure I would marry a deep theologian and avid reader, but when my now-husband told me he wasn't really a reader, I found that (after the initial shock) I could get over it, because I thought he was pretty great. Often our expectations when single are a little off-base, because we don't know what really could capture our heart. I found a godly husband that is much more active and less scholarly than I had imagined for myself, but I've never wavered on the fact that I'm totally smitten with him.
So singles, don't settle for less than great. Be prepared to remain single if you don't find it. I'm sure we've all heard it said that it's much better to be happily single than miserably married, so don't let yourself get too desperate in the looking. Sure, please do go on dates (I will set you up if you don't!) and attempt to find that great person for you, but don't settle if you don't find them. Trust God with your sexuality so that you can be content and not desperate, willing to wait for someone great.