Common Misconceptions About Singles


Since I was single for most of my life, a lot of my experiences are drawn from those years. I was thinking today about what it was like being single, and I thought I might make out a little list, addressing common misconceptions about singles.

Misconception # 1: Singles aren't busy.

In my experience, singleness was a very busy time of life. Sure, I didn't have kids or a husband to worry about, but I did have a full time job, plus cooking/shopping/house responsibilities, etc. At least when you are married you get to split the burden of the house stuff. There were also classes I would take sporadically while working, just to prepare for my unknown future. I also found that I was often asked to babysit, help clean, or various other random activities from well-meaning married people, because there was a misconception that I had an abundance of free time. All of that made for a busy single lady.

I don't feel bitter about any of the ways married people tried to fill my time back then, but I now try to be gracious toward my single friends when they aren't available for this or that. It's quite possible they are busier than I am. And, here's a strange thought, maybe I should even ask them if they need MY help!

Misconception # 2: Singles don't want to hang out with married folks.

Since you could have called me "perpetually single" for a time, the longer I went along in life the fewer single friends I had, because they were all marrying off. This progressively became a problem, as I began to realize that marrieds tended to hang out with other marrieds exclusively. Sure there was the occasional "singles" dinner I was invited to, but, overall, the marrieds still considered me a "young person" because I wasn't married, while, in reality, I was older than many of the marrieds. At the same time, my single friends became harder to relate to as the age gaps widened with each year of new marriages. Soon, I felt alone. 

I now try to remind myself to pursue the single ladies for friends, as well as the married ones. Sure, they may not have a husband to bring over for my husband to talk with, but they need friends just as much as I do. Everyone needs a sounding board for things that happen in their lives, and singles sometimes have a harder time getting that.

Misconception # 3: Singles are too busy, socially, for me to call them up.

Have you considered that, as a married person, you have a built-in best friend? That means you don't have to wonder if you will have someone to hang out with on the weekends, much less each weeknight. Well, consider that singles do not have this accommodation. Sure, they often have roommates, but roommates generally have different schedules and different lives. It may sound contradictory to say that singles would love for you to call them up to hang out, when I had previously explained that they are really busy, but doesn't everyone deserve a break? Singles lives are often made up of a whole lot of work and serving, so what they desire most is relaxing and a good time. 

Try to remember singles on your next outing or when you're sitting around bored with your spouse on a Saturday (...even Thursday!) evening. It's quite possible they are ready for a break from the endless responsibilities, but don't have someone to shoot the breeze with. I always loved it when someone called me up to randomly do something fun with them, and not just ask for another favor. Honestly, one of my favorite memories was going to workout most evenings at a married friend's house. It felt so raw and real, no need for special meals or expectations. Just buds hanging out.

Overall, it's just good to remember that singles need friends, not just more tasks. That would lighten the burden of not having a marriage partner to share life with for now, as well as enriching our lives with different perspectives.

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